How do I tell you

Dad, How do I tell you what happened. How do I watch the heartbreak in your, mum and my brothers souls. I know you know he hurt me. I know you know I was scared. I know I held onto a relationship for almost a decade that led to you being physically assaulted by this man. To my children being put in an extremely unsafe situation.

I know you know many things happened from the charges list for courts. I know it kills all of you that I refuse to talk about it.

How can I tell you all that he almost killed me. Multiple times. And I covered for him. That I knew I had to get out but was to scared to come to you. That I knew if I told you, you all would have supported me. But I was trying to protect us all.

How do I stop you from wishing you knew, or wishing you did more. When you couldn't have done anything. It's so complex. It's so hard to explain something I still don't completely understand.

How do I break the hearts of the most supportive, loving family anyone could hope for. How do I tell you your daughter was so trapped and so badly hurt right under your nose.

I wish I had more courage to rip off the bandaid and tell you all earlier. I've left it so long the burden is getting heavier. I don't want to avoid it anymore. But I'm terrified of ruining our relationship. I'm terrified of all the whys you will ask and all the punishment you will put on yourself.

I promised you that this man was marrying me to take care of me, but that I'd always be your little girl. How do I tell you that little girl was so badly broken. I know you have watched it in me. And I know you want the truth. But how?