How the hell do I keep doing it?!?

I’m only 16 so I don’t even know when I’ll be able to start hrt let alone get any sort of bottom surgery and I just don’t know how to do it sometimes. Sometimes I can just forget about everything and just live as best as I can in the body I have but whenever I think about what I’m missing out on it just hits me so hard. Like I know I’m still young but how do I cope with all the years I lost being in a guys body thinking I was a guy. And how I do deal with the next however long amount of time where I know I’m a girl and can’t live in a girl’s body. I wish I could just do things without feeling so horrible because they don’t feel right. It’s just fucking unfair—I hate it. I don’t know, does anyone have any advice or kind words? I sort of need some right now.