I accidentally made my bestfriend cum, and it ruined our friendship

Me and him have been friends for a while. We met on discord and played games together lol. I had a boyfriend when we met so it was purely friendship.

Eventually me and my boyfriend broke up. I don’t really have friends outside of school in real life. My ex was the only person I went out with, did activities with and had fun with in real life. So I was heartbroken and lonely.

My friend helped me get trough this time, he was always there for me and we played games all night. I could speak my mind, and could find comfort in him.

One night while gaming he said “why won’t we hang out in real life?”, and I agreed. We both live in the Netherlands, I live in Den Bosch and he lives in Amsterdam, it’s kind of far apart. And we agreed to meet in Den Bosch, where I live. It was a little awkward seeing each other for the first time, but that quickly went away and we had a really fun day. I showed him around and we visited a museum together. When we told each other goodbye we already made plans to hang out again the next day, but this time in Amsterdam so he could show me around.

Soooo.. we again had a really fun day, in Amsterdam. And we got high lmao. It was late and I needed to get back home. He didn’t want me to travel alone this late, and he got into the train with me. The train coupe was empty, and we were the only ones there. We sat next to each other, and I rested my head on his shoulder. He rested his hand on my thigh. He leaned forward and I couldn’t rest my head on him anymore, I asked him if there was anything wrong, and he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back. We start making out and he groped my breast softly trough my sweater, as a response I started touching his dick softly trough his pants.

When we got done making out he told me this is the first time a girl touched his dick lol. I asked him if it was the first time he touched a breast too, and he said yes. And I told him he could be a little rougher the next time he did it. His response: “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.” And I asked him if he wanted to feel it better, he said yes. I loosened my bra, grabbed his hand and put it on my belly. He understood, and his hand entered my sweater, when his hand got to my breast his hand went underneath my bra. This time he started groping it hard, he looked me in the eyes for a moment and we started making out again while he touched my breast. We didn’t make out like the first time, this was kinda intense. I started touching his dick again, again trough his pants, but way harder now.

It only lasted like 10 seconds and he said “stop, stop, stop”. So we stopped immediately and I thought something was wrong because he was leaning forward and just said “fuck, fuck”. I asked him what’s wrong and he said “nothing please sit somewhere else”. I asked him again and he replied: “I fucking came inside my pants this is embarrassing.”. He sat up straight again, and there was a pretty big wet spot on his pants. He was really embarrassed and I felt really bad for him. The rest of the train ride was really awkward, we barely spoke to each other. I kept telling him sorry, and he said it’s not my fault.

So after this happened there’s this awkward energy between us, we speak way less, and we act like it never happened. I feel like he’s still embarrassed about what happened. It’s been 2 weeks, we used to talk everyday, and it’s gotten to a point where we haven’t spoken in 4 days. Not a single word. It sucks