When I F27, was young I was (I know this sounds insane) eager to die because I was muslim and believed I was going to go to heaven and have literally everything I ever wanted. My childhood was a tiny bit rough.

I wanted to ask god to put me as a character in my favourite cartoons and mangas. I wanted to try a life where I had magic powers. I was literally thinking I’ll do anything to get in heaven.

As an autistic person, I do have a strong drive for justice, morale, fairness. And tbh after my 18th bd I started questioning some things in islam.

-Why the prophet married a child? If god is omniscient he should have known this is bad and even if it was “normal” back then he should have paved the way and forbid it.

-Why women are considered less able? It takes 2 women to equal 1 men when testifying because women lie more often apparently.

Countless other stuff like this and by my 20th bd, extensive research, I had realised this was all a scam.

This sent me a bit into a depression because I wanted to experience more and I feel I’ve been lied to and betrayed.

ETA: Why the heck are there religious people on this subreddit DM’ing me to convert me? Mind your own business, I do not want any dms of you religious people trying to re-brainwash me.

On another note: Thank you everyone in the comments for your support and genuine advice. I appreciate you all.