Finally leaving my Abusive Husband….

UPDATE: I have been going through so much and I have had a ton of messages checking on me asking if I’m safe and okay. I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone! It has honestly been the only thing keeping me grounded in this situation. Things are finally coming to fruition. I wasn’t able to leave Tuesday because of some issues with my car. Anyway I have gotten things in order and I’ll be out of here within the week. I am safe, I have a support system that is really pulling me thru and making sure I’m safe until I am officially gone. I have spoken with a lawyer and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had no idea how much damage emotional abuse causes. This is incredibly embarrassing to say, but for the first time I have not thought about wanting to die. It’s incredibly scary to think that all of this for so many years has caused me to want to take my life. My father committed suicide when I was a teenager, he was my mother’s best friend. My mother was tortured by his death. I could not imagine if she would have lost me due to this abusive relationship. I feel so guilty with how I treated my mother because of me being on “my husband’s side”. I am so isolated from everyone so that just makes everything worse. I am so thankful for my mother loving me unconditionally. She’s such an amazing support and I’m so very grateful I have her, she is the only family I have. Anyway I feel like I’m rambling, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am safe and will be out of here, by the latest, Sunday afternoon.

Again I really just want to thank everyone who has reached out to me. I can’t express how alone I have been for these past like 8 years. The fact that I can have so many strangers who spoke with me to let me know that I’m not crazy, that it’s not my fault, that I shouldn’t feel guilty because it’s not my fault, and most important, learning what a trauma bond is, the appreciation I feel for all of this, even just slight conversation, I cannot express how much this has helped me through. I thought I was completely alone, but that’s not the case, I have had random strangers listen to me vent. Thank you all from the bottom of this broken heart.

We have been together 10 years. I have finally built the courage to leave once and for all. I can’t believe I became one of those girls who I never understood. I always said that “I would leave a man in a heartbeat if he were to be abusive”. Never in a million years would I ever think I would ever actually leave. I’m at the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed me out of anger. Our last fight gave me a taste of a monster I have never seen before. He has completely isolated me, he didn’t even let me tell my mother what state we had moved to. I have no friends or family here, just my husband. That last fight was the scariest thing ever, I knew I had to go. To make sure I was going to follow thru was the very next day I quit my job and called my mom, I told her the entire truth and it felt so good to be able to talk about something that has always been a secret.

He has no idea but come Sunday, I am going to take only the super important stuff, grab my gun, tell my husband I’m going to take our dog for a walk but in reality I’m taking me and my dog farrr away from this man. Please send your prayers or good vibes my way. I AM SO TERRIFIED. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I need to go. I can’t take it anymore