Pisces Mercury is HARD

Okay so I have a pisces mercury in retrograde in the first house. It’s also intercepted, I don’t really know what that means but whatever just want to put it out there. I understand that no placement is bad or good, and every “bad placement” has its strengths. But I genuinely can’t think of what this placement helps me with. I suck in school, I literally can’t learn the way other kids did(which makes me feel like an idiot). I also trip over my words constantly. I can never think of the right word, which causes misunderstandings. I also hate my voice! I know I am smart, it’s just REALLY not in the way people around me are and it makes me feel stupid. I’ve noticed people often try to make me feel stupid too. When I ask questions about stuff I am uninformed on, they always talk to me in a condescending way. I also have horrible attendance at school and they make me feel stupid for that too cause I’m not being taught geometry, like I give a single fuck about it. I know that projections are common with pisces placements and 1H placements and I have a 1H pisces stellium lol. It also gives me crippling OCD(it’s not just virgo’s it’s pisces too).

I wouldn’t say any good qualities of pisces mercury resonate with me. I can barely even spell let alone write. I am by no means a poet. I wouldn’t call myself musically gifted. I was a very creative and intuitive child, but then I lost it all WITH myself from conforming to the people around me. I am extremely spiritual, but when people try to argue my points I literally cannot argue back. I understand it all in my head but I struggle to articulate that with my words. I can only express myself through writing, but like I said earlier I’m like a below average writer. Also my words manifest extremely easily, but for some reason I cannot think about myself in a positive light. I should not be talking about myself with such definite terms, I’ll worry about that later!! I also struggle with routine!! Is there any hope???😭 Do other pisces mercuries feel me?