I broke down today.

TRIGGER WARNING!!! SHORT MENTION OF ABUSE!!!!!

So my 4 year old has been out of school for 3 weeks now, 1 week longer than expected due to severe weather. My 15 month old just got done being sick, and it was for an entire week. My husband was at work when it happened. For the past few weeks my used to be sweet, kind, polite, pretty well behaved 4 year old has gotten the worst attitude and constantly arguing and throwing fits. IDK where this came from but it has been driving me crazy. I have been doing gentle parenting to the best of my ability. I grew up being yelled at and beat and having my butt whooped over the smallest of things and I swore I wouldn't do that with my kids. By the end of today, 2 store trips later and lots of fits and attitude, I wound up sitting in the kitchen, on the floor, bawling my eyes out. My boys were watching TV, and my husband was at work, and I just sat there and cried. Then just before I started this post my 4 year old started to not listen again and I broke down again (which actually makes the 3rd time as I had also cried into my husband's chest when he went to a break) and my 4 year old apologized and I talked to him about why I was sad and then it wound up making him cry. We hugged for a bit and he listened when I told him to go to bed.

So now I'm sitting here crying again as I write this and wondering if I did something wrong or how I can fix it all. I already struggle enough with thinking I'm a terrible mom but this has just made it so much worse.........ok I'm gonna stop now cause it's hard to see what I'm typing.............